Already heard back

She chose us. Apparently they loved us. After we left, Jenny and her parents stayed to talk to Doreen and Jenny's mom broke down and cried. Doreen said it was the first time she saw a soft side of Jenny's mom. Jenny and her parents said we would be the perfect family to place her son with.
So now the ball is in our court. Our heads are spinning - we have a lot to think about. We have until Monday to make our decision. Some of you might be saying to yourselves, "Why wouldn't you say yes? I don't get it." The answer to that is that Sean and I think everything through and like to consider every possible scenario and situation. We are the king and queen of "what if." In this situation, we need to go through all the "what if's." Mary said we have the luxury of being discriminating because this won't be the only birthmother that wants us - someone else will swoop us up. (A really nice compliment right?) So with that in mind, we will be very careful with our decision. Trust me, we are on cloud nine right now that she chose us and the mere fact that we can bring a baby home in two weeks or less. Again, our heads are spinning. This is all happening very fast.
I'm going to go back downstairs now and get a third cup of coffee, put a second coat of primer on the office, finish cleaning Lucy's fur out of the tub from her bath this morning, and just breathe. And not to mention, on top of it all, I got a very nice email back from a job I was going after a few weeks ago basically saying the ball is in my court - if I want this job, I have it. I can only laugh at this because we put ourselves in these situations - it's just funny that it piles on all at the same time.
Thanks again for the messages and support. This is what will help us get through this weekend and making these important decisions. My mom and dad always told me that life is not easy and I should never expect it to be. They couldn't be more right.

A Different Experience

It's hard for me to find the words to blog today. Just to give you an idea, when we left the meeting and got in the car, I let out a very loud sigh. It was really stressful. As Sean puts it..."the sh*t was crazy!"
We were about 15 minutes late for the meeting because of traffic and Mary gave me the wrong building number. So we spent 10 minutes looking for a building that didn't exist. That's what started all the stress. We finally found the building and Mary was waiting for us in the lobby. I was so happy to see her. She brought us in to meet Doreen (Jenny's counselor), Jenny, and her parents. I gave Jenny a bouquet of tulips (which were starting to wilt in the car so I was slightly embarrassed.) They liked them though.
Doreen and Mary moderated the entire meeting which was so helpful. Mary did the best job representing Sean and I - I was so happy with her. She is a tough cookie and for any doubts I ever had about her competence, those doubts were flushed away with her performance last night.
Within the first five minutes, we found out Jenny is having a boy. That was pretty exciting to find out.
We were in the meeting for 2 hours. Mary had originally told us it would be no longer than an hour but Sean and I said to ourselves we couldn't see these meetings only going an hour. There is too much to cover!
Long story short, there were comfortable times of the meeting and also uncomfortable times. There were times I wanted to come out of my skin.
I know they liked us very much. I think I heard them say they already met the other adoptive family and that they had a child already (named Jeremiah which they weren't too psyched about.) My gut tells me they want this to work and ideally this is a good situation for us. But there are a few sticking points where we would need to come to an agreement to move forward.
The positive things coming out of the meeting:
1) They LOVED our profile. They think we are outgoing and active which they would like for this child.
2) At the end of the meeting, Jenny's dad said, "Desiree and Sean, I just want to tell you that you both are a wonderful couple, have so much to offer, and any birthfamily would be so lucky to have you as an adoptive family." (That almost made me cry.)
3) Jenny's cute. She's mature for her age and we were very impressed with that.

And obviously there are more good things too. I gave Jenny a card at the end so she would have something to take home with her. We left with Mary and she said she will call us on Monday after they've had the weekend to process everything. She told us not to be so good in these meetings. She said she wanted to have a baby and choose us as the adoptive parents! I thought that was funny. (Especially since Mary is probably in her late 60's/early 70's.) I have a very vivid imagination.
Sean and I went to Chili's afterwards and for those who know us well...you know the first thing we did when we got there. We talked over dinner and laughed at some things from the meeting. I said to Sean, "no matter what weird situation we are ever in, he always finds a way to pull out the funny stuff and make me laugh."
We are still stressed today so I think we are going to take Lucy for a long walk, maybe do a little yoga, and basically be on a retreat from the outside world this weekend so we can think things through. There is a lot of data in our heads that we are still processing. It's really crazy.
Thanks for all the emails, voice mails and messages everyone has left for us. They told us one of the main things that stuck out from our profile is that we surround ourselves with a tight group of friends and family so they know our child will be loved. So thank you, thank you! You've all helped our profile stand out and contributed in a birthfamily's decision to choose us.
XOXO
Sean and Des

Tonight's the Night

...and it's gonna be alright. Sean and I made up our list of questions and concerns last night. And we made a pro and con list. As of now, the pros and cons are equal. We plan to make a new list of pros and cons tonight over dinner after we meet her and her family. Another thing we thought of is that her parents could be our age which should be very interesting. How is it they are becoming grandparents when we are challenged to be parents?
Mary called last night to tell me she is coming with us. Thank goodness! She had me worried when she said it was too late for her. We need her there to field some of the questions, especially about the openness.
We also broke the news to Lucy last night. She's hoping this doesn't work out.
I did take the day off from work so I can get some things done. It's going to be a tough weekend to get through wondering how the meeting went and what they are thinking. Apparently the other adoptive couple is nervous too. I just wish I knew when they were meeting her. Mary doesn't ask the important questions and it's starting to make us crazy.
Sean said Jenny might tell us the gender of the baby tonight. I didn't even think of that. I almost don't want to know because then I will start picturing things in my head and I cannot do that yet. I hope she doesn't tell us. I might have to hold my ears if she brings it up.
Some other great news...our office is finished. We are sanding, painting and probably hiring someone to tile the floor this weekend. And the baby furniture is in! We might pick that up tomorrow. Things are changing so much and so fast but it's all good. It's very exciting.
Love,
Des, Sean
and Lucy...who is working on her acceptance of becoming a big sister.

I never thought I'd say this...

...but I love my job. I ventured on a limb today and spoke to my direct Manager who happens to be the VP and decision maker about our situation. I was direct and honest and basically explained to him that our adoption plan could move very fast at this point and Sean and I are not financially prepared for me to take a 16 week leave of absence unpaid. He told me not to worry about it and I can work from home. Obviously I can take my 4-5 weeks vacation time when the baby comes home with us and then I can work from home. They would still like me to go to my show in May but I don't have to stay the whole time. They are really supportive and flexible. And I told him I am taking tomorrow off so I can get my head together for the big game.
I'm having some minor chest pains...it must be anxiety. Mary called and gave directions with a couple other developments in which I have to discuss with Sean. More updates soon.

The appointment is set

Yes, it's true. Mary called to tell us we are meeting "Jenny" (not her real name) on Friday at 6:00pm. This Friday. Are we nervous? Yes. I told Sean that the other adoptive couple is meeting her at 7:00 on Friday. That's a joke...I don't actually know what time or when they meet her. I hope they drop out of the race actually. I can't even believe this. I mean, I knew it was coming but I guess I didn't realize how it would feel knowing the appointment was set. She must be so nervous. And it's funny to think she might be thinking about us right now as we are thinking of her. I asked Mary if it would be okay to bring her flowers and give her a hug. It just seems so impersonal to shake her hand knowing that she is carrying a baby that could potentially come and live with us. Mary thinks it's a fabulous idea. Gosh, I hope Mary can come along with us. She said she might not be able to considering it's late at night. Poor Mary hits the hay early I guess.
We have to choose outfits. Mary said casual is key so I plan to wear jeans. I just wish those shoes I ordered from Neiman's weren't on back order. I know Sean is stressing about what to wear too.
We are just taking deep breaths...some good advice from our friend Linda. I start getting carried away with all the details and I have to remind myself to stop and breathe and think clearly. It just amazes me to know we started all of this back in November not even thinking we would meet a birthmother as early as April. I feel like a tornado came in and dropped us here. Everyone: cross your fingers and wish us luck! We have to win Jenny over. Who am I kidding...I will post at least another two messages before 6:00 on Friday. My nerves will be shot by then.
XOXO
Sean and Des
Picture: Des and Goddaughter Madeline (Jess and Mike's daughter) - pretty soon I will be holding a meatball of our own!!!

Return from the Prairie...

I was in Madison, Wisconsin over the weekend to give a presentation to 200 people. (Much different place than the "other" Madison we are familiar with.) To my chagrin, 180 people left the room when I got to the stage because they were just enlightened by our motivational speaker who told them how to change their lives. And then I had to follow that. So, would you say my trip to Wisconsin was a waste of time? Yes.
No word from Mary - but I didn't expect anything just yet. I have a feeling we will hear from her on Friday or next Monday. We are still moving forward as planned in both directions. Gladney stuff will be mailed out this week if I get a chance to make all the copies. I plan to take Friday off to do all of that but we'll see how the week goes.
Oh, and the baby furniture is purchased. It should arrive this weekend or next. It's going to be weird seeing it all set up in that room. I need to get used to calling "that room" the nursery.

Patience is a virtue...

...Is what we keep telling ourselves. I tried blogging last night about five different times and for whatever reason, it wouldn't allow me to.
Mary called us last night finally with some more detail. Each time she gets new information, she must call the prospective adoptive families and make sure they are still interested. It's only fair protocol for each party involved. She shed some light on some new developments with this particular scenario. While I can't go into detail on what the scenario is, I can say that Sean and I are still interested in meeting her. It's just going to take a little longer to meet her as we are waiting for some legal feedback. Mary predicts we will meet her either next week or the following week.
In the meantime, we are starting to nest. Yesterday I chose our furniture for the nursery and tonight we will go back and purchase it (many thanks to my mother-in-law and father-in-law.) It only takes 7-14 days to come in which was a nice surprise - I thought it would take much longer than that. I also purchased some onesies, binkies, socks, a hat - basically some necessities to get us through the first day having the baby with us. Then I drove away thinking that bottles and diapers probably would have been worthwhile to pick up. Hey - who needs those things; as long as our kid is dressed, everything is going to be A-OK.
One thing I will say is that Mary is very confident that this adoption is a "go" no matter what. (Meaning, whether she chooses us or the other family, she is moving ahead.) Now, it's our job to win this BM over and beat out the competition. Sean and I are warming up and practicing our dance routine. I hope the other couple is ready to challenge Sean in a dance-off. He's really good lately.

We are all over the place

People who are reading this must feel like my mind is a yo-yo. Back and forth, CT or Texas - what is the right situation for us? I am convinced we won't know what is right unless we keep moving as if both scenarios were right.
Mary called today to tell us the CT birthmother wants to meet us. We're going to meet her. What does it hurt right? We're not getting hopes up because again, if she meets us, chooses us and doesn't feel "comfortable" with the situation and wants visitation post placement, we aren't cool with that. But, we won't know unless we meet her. Mary says she wants to meet us fairly quickly so she will call me tomorrow to set up a time. Talk about pressure! She is also meeting with the other prospective adoptive family as well. Now I am curious as to what they are like. If only we could bring Lucy, she would seal the deal.

In other news, our office renovation started today. Our contractors tore down the windows and framed out the room. It's amazing how quickly this all can happen. Thanks to Sean for pushing forward, doing research and just making the decision to start the project. Usually it takes us years to think things like this through...I guess we are getting better at making decisions.

So stay tuned...we might meet her this week or next. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. We'll know from there whether this is something we'll consider or not.
If you're reading this and looking at the picture thinking "I hope you didn't put this picture in your profile being double fisted with a beer and a fruity drink," it's okay...I've mastered the art of cropping photo's. We cropped it right out!

Sticking with Original Plan

After a discussion with Sean last night, we've decided to move on with our original plan to adopt through Gladney. Not that we are being impatient with this CT birthmother, we just don't want to hold back on any Gladney opportunities. So, we're moving forward as if we're backing away from the CT situation. It's very soon and it makes us nervous that she hasn't chosen the adoptive parents yet. Additionally, she had stipulations where she wanted post-placement visitation rights but would forfeit those visits only if she felt comfortable with the adoptive family. There was no guarantee she would have been comfortable with us so we ran that risk (which we are uncomfortable with.)
Last night we got all our paperwork together for Gladney, checked things off the checklist they provided, and after I make a full copy of everything, it will go in the mail. We really want a Texan baby anyway. ;-)
We are really excited to move forward. We know the waiting period will be longer - possibly 9 to 18 months. But it will all be worth it in the end and we'll have some time to prepare without feeling forced into something.
My former manager at work who has been going through the adoption process with his wife for some time just announced they're bringing home a baby boy this weekend. The baby was born on Sunday and they had him in their arms on Tuesday. Hearing this news today gives me the goosebumps. Not to mention, the baby boy looks EXACTLY like my former manager. It's so strange how things work. It makes it so real that this will happen for Sean and I - we will be in their exact situation one day. We can't wait!!!

Love,
Sean and Des

Still Quiet on the Baby Front

There is no news yet. Sean and I joke that she will make her decision while she is pushing the baby out. My gut is telling me that it's not her who is slowing down the process, it's her case worker. They have to tie up some loose ends with the birth father and need to be 100% secure with everything before they make any moves. It's just to protect both parties. I would rather have everything secure before we get emotionally connected and then have something go wrong. In our eyes, they are doing their jobs and that makes us happy.
Sean is going to start working on our new office this weekend. He is starting some demo on the house and will go buy all the materials. Luckily for us, we have an electrician living across the street and a contractor next door to help us out. Sean has definitely proven himself handy around the house.
The only thing that is frustrating us is we are holding back on Gladney right now. Currently, if we get chosen by this CT birthmother, we aren't committed to Gladney because they don't have our completed application packet. If we send our application packet into Gladney now (which we could because everything is completed), they will expect their very large non-refundable deposit.
I will say that the longer this particular CT process takes, the more we will shy away from it. We'll see how we feel about the scenario next week if we don't hear anything. If we don't hear from the CT birthmother by March 30th, I am setting the goal now that our Gladney stuff will be in the mail and we'll back away from the CT scenario. Time will tell...

No news yet

No updates since Friday from the CT birthmother. Understandably, she is still making one of the most important decisions of her life. And of her baby's life! In the meantime, we are trying not to think about it too much or get caught up in the details just yet. I can't really think any further than today because there is a 50/50 chance she will make the other adoptive couple a happy family. I have, however, started to look into Pediatricians in our area. I'm going to set up some appointments to sit down and interview them when Sean and I have a free day to do it together. Everything is getting a bit more real and we're doing our best to stay grounded until we hear from Mary. Tonight I am going to talk to Sean about ordering the furniture for the nursery...just...in...case.

And the roller coaster ride continues...

Sean is on his snowmobile right now so he doesn't even know this news yet. I feel bad posting this but I can't keep it to myself. Just when I've been asking God over the past couple days if he is trying to tell me I shouldn't be a mother, Mary called me today. She told me that the CT birthmother has narrowed down her decision to us and another couple. My reaction: "You're kidding!" Mary's reaction: "I am not kidding." My interpretation: God sent me this message to reaffirm my faith that Sean and I will be parents. AND, that we have a good profile. I am so flattered that the first birthmother who has ever looked at our profile put us in her top two preference slot. Even if she chooses the other adoptive couple, I am still flattered. I actually just texted Sean this news so he has something to smile about as soon as he takes a break.
Now we just wait for her to decide. They estimate her making her decision by next week. She is only due 4 WEEKS FROM NOW. A little notice would be nice but I can't be picky. And again, if she chooses us, we will meet her and make our decision to pursue with this particular adoption plan or not. One step at a time...
So, with some sad news this week, it was nice to get refreshing news and a glimmer of hope.
Also, our state and FBI clearances have come back - we're clear! Mary sent me her draft of our home study - it was perfect. We are nearing the end of our preparation work and if CT birthmom chooses the other adoptive family, our paperwork is going to Gladney and we'll be in their pool of adoptive parents waiting. So strange, we are right within our March 1-15 target date...I love meeting my deadlines. So much to look forward to.
Love,
Des

A New Day

We still haven't heard anything from the CT birthmother and at this point we're not even sure if she's reviewed our profile. That has been at the back of our minds the past two weeks believe it or not. Some of you are aware that Sean and I did one last IVF cycle this month, for others, it's news. This IVF was planned back in the summer as one last attempt and mostly for diagnostic reasons. To be honest, I didn't want to do it when the time came in February. But, we agreed months back and we moved forward. We didn't have high expectations because they all failed in the past but most importantly, we have been so darn excited about our adoption plan that it's been all we could think about. And then we went in for our embryo transfer and the RE showed us pictures of the most perfect embryos ever created - one even looked like a daisy. It was the most positive transfer we've ever experienced. This somehow changed our thinking and mindset in a way we didn't think it could. In the meantime, it's been quiet on the adoption front. The past two weeks my body has been giving me every textbook pregnancy symptom which it's never given before. We developed high hopes and our friends and family felt the same.
Last night we took a pregnancy test (our 145th pregnancy test in our lifetime but who's counting?) It was negative. Sean and I were definitely surprised because of the way things went this time. But I didn't cry (at first anyway.) Not even 2 minutes after we read the result, the phone rang. It was Mary. She's finished writing our home study and she's received all the reference letters and documents needed to move forward. What a sign! Is it strange that she called after our test? Now more than ever do I believe God's plan for Sean and I is to adopt. She asked if we've heard anything from the CT birthmother's counselor and I told her no. She is calling today to check in on that.
Maybe Sean and I shouldn't have gone through with this IVF cycle because of the mind games it played on us. However, in all fairness, it was something we needed to do and now we will never say to ourselves, "did we try everything?" Our adoption plan moved quicker than we thought it would to be honest - we never imagined trying to pull off adoption paperwork and IVF at the same time. We had said if we were to get pregnant, we would still adopt because we feel strongly about giving a deserving, needing child a loving home to grow in.
Sean and I will never accept that we aren't meant to be parents. We will fight as hard as we can because in our hearts, there is a baby out there who wants to fall in love with us as much as we will with them.
Blogs will be more frequent now that our paperwork is finished. We haven't lost sight of our goal...we're going to be parents. But first, Sean is going to ride the snowy trails of upstate NY this weekend with the boys while Lucy and I unwind with the girls for a fun Whitesnake weekend in Ridgefield. So Linda, fire up that karaoke machine and make room for a dance floor. We need a little fun now and again.
Love,
Des

Still Waiting...

We are still waiting to hear back from the CT birthmother counselor on whether she's looked at our profile or not. No news could be good news I guess. We are also waiting on Mary to finish writing up our home study. She had a few additional questions and is in the process of putting everything together. Today is March 1st and I know I originally said we'd have all our Gladney paperwork submitted between now and the 15th. We're not going to submit it until we hear back from the CT birthmother. I figure she has to make up her mind soon as the baby is due in 6 weeks. I know that counselor was still trying to tie some loose ends with the birthfather before she showed her the profiles. I imagine she's looked at us by now...