A New Day

We still haven't heard anything from the CT birthmother and at this point we're not even sure if she's reviewed our profile. That has been at the back of our minds the past two weeks believe it or not. Some of you are aware that Sean and I did one last IVF cycle this month, for others, it's news. This IVF was planned back in the summer as one last attempt and mostly for diagnostic reasons. To be honest, I didn't want to do it when the time came in February. But, we agreed months back and we moved forward. We didn't have high expectations because they all failed in the past but most importantly, we have been so darn excited about our adoption plan that it's been all we could think about. And then we went in for our embryo transfer and the RE showed us pictures of the most perfect embryos ever created - one even looked like a daisy. It was the most positive transfer we've ever experienced. This somehow changed our thinking and mindset in a way we didn't think it could. In the meantime, it's been quiet on the adoption front. The past two weeks my body has been giving me every textbook pregnancy symptom which it's never given before. We developed high hopes and our friends and family felt the same.
Last night we took a pregnancy test (our 145th pregnancy test in our lifetime but who's counting?) It was negative. Sean and I were definitely surprised because of the way things went this time. But I didn't cry (at first anyway.) Not even 2 minutes after we read the result, the phone rang. It was Mary. She's finished writing our home study and she's received all the reference letters and documents needed to move forward. What a sign! Is it strange that she called after our test? Now more than ever do I believe God's plan for Sean and I is to adopt. She asked if we've heard anything from the CT birthmother's counselor and I told her no. She is calling today to check in on that.
Maybe Sean and I shouldn't have gone through with this IVF cycle because of the mind games it played on us. However, in all fairness, it was something we needed to do and now we will never say to ourselves, "did we try everything?" Our adoption plan moved quicker than we thought it would to be honest - we never imagined trying to pull off adoption paperwork and IVF at the same time. We had said if we were to get pregnant, we would still adopt because we feel strongly about giving a deserving, needing child a loving home to grow in.
Sean and I will never accept that we aren't meant to be parents. We will fight as hard as we can because in our hearts, there is a baby out there who wants to fall in love with us as much as we will with them.
Blogs will be more frequent now that our paperwork is finished. We haven't lost sight of our goal...we're going to be parents. But first, Sean is going to ride the snowy trails of upstate NY this weekend with the boys while Lucy and I unwind with the girls for a fun Whitesnake weekend in Ridgefield. So Linda, fire up that karaoke machine and make room for a dance floor. We need a little fun now and again.
Love,
Des