Deep in the Heart of Texas...

This is what we were singing all day yesterday.

We are back from one of the greatest experiences in our lives. Gladney is everything we had hoped it would be and more.

We arrived in Texas yesterday morning around 9:50am and basically ran to our rental car shuttle because orientation had already started at 9:00am. We picked up our rental car (thank God for GPS) and drove very fast to Gladney...well, as fast as that Ford Focus would allow. (It started shaking once I'd hit 80 miles an hour.) We pulled up to Gladney and our mouths dropped. The campus was enourmous and it was located right next to a hospital and children's center...everything just seemed right. Tani (the adoption coordinator) was waiting for us when we walked in the building and greeted us with her southern charm. They didn't care we were 2 hours late...Tani was already prepared for us to catch up on what we missed. She brought us to our group which was already in session - it was a Q&A session with an adoption caseworker and also a birthmother counselor. They were reviewing the statistics of the girls they take in, age ranges, and how the process all works. Basically, they have room on campus to hold 30 girls who need the support (those girls kicked out of their houses, those who can't finish school, those who need medical assistance, or anyone who just wants to go.) They talked about the drug tests, counseling services, education, and medical assistance they offer these girls. Outside of the 30 girls they house and care for, they work with birthmothers all over the country who do not choose to live on their campus. And, they also get drop-ins. Basically, this is when a birthmother shows up in labor at the hospital and needs to place her baby. The hospital calls Gladney and they go there immediately, perform all the drug screening tests among other tests, and do an interview to find out which adoptive family would be a match (if any.) In those cases, the adoptive parents would get the call unexpectedly saying there is a baby being born today that's a fit for us, pack our bags and get on a plane. They get approximatey 10% of their birthmothers from drop ins. Oh, and I forgot to mention they immediately get all birth fathers information in every situation however there are cases where the birthmother may not know who the father is or he is unable to be located. If they do know who he is, they find him and make him sign paperwork to relinquish his rights to the child right away. 75% of Gladney birthmothers fall into the "unknown" birthfather (meaning they don't know where he is) or "multiple fathers". We'll get over it.

So this is how it all happens. Once we finish our application (a tremendously overwhelming book of paperwork), we submit it with our home study paperwork and profile. This usually takes between 3-6 months to complete because it's that extensive. Let me tell you, I saw samples of the profiles other parents did and I am going to need an arts & crafts crash course. That in itself is intimidating.
So once all of that is submitted, our caseworker reviews everything and understands our needs and what we are screening for. They then meet with birthmothers they think would be a match and only show those birthmothers our profile. If a birthmother is interested in our profile, Gladney sets up a call between the birthmother and us on a "bat phone." Sometimes a birthmother can make up her mind just based on that one phone call. Sometimes they need a few calls. They only show profiles to birthmothers in their third trimester.
This process can happen very quickly or it might not on the other hand. Obviously, the less things we screen for, the quicker the process will be. The President of Gladney said if we're looking for the high-school quarterback and captain of the cheerleading team, president of student council, etc...we're going to be waiting a long time. He was very funny but he's very right. The screening paperwork is going to be the hardest for us to fill out...I hate discriminating anything but I know I have to in some cases.
After the birthmother phone call(s), we would fly to Texas to have a face-to-face meeting with the birthmom. Then we just wait for her to go into labor. Once she goes into labor, we would get the call. We actually have the option of being at the hospital when she delivers the baby but after thinking this through, we will not be doing that. The birthmother has 48 hours to change her mind in Texas. We would lose our heads if we watched the delivery and then she decided to change her mind. So the advisable route is to wait until the 48 hours (or until she signs) and then fly down there. We would then meet with the birthmother again at the placement. And then the baby is ours to love forever! We do have to stay in Texas for up to 10 days after the placement because of the Interstate Compact. This is where Texas and Connecticut have to clear us to travel out of the state with the baby. I am actually looking forward to this because we will have bonding time with the baby even if it is in a hotel. And, only one of us has to stay the 10 days if the other one has to go back to work. Obviously I am staying!
At this time, the baby comes home to live with us however Gladney has custody of the baby for 6 months. This is in case we change our minds. They've never had a family change their mind. After 6 months, we're back down to Texas and go to court. From what they're saying, it's a celebration at the courthouse. The judge brings balloons and takes pictures with the baby. This is when Gladney turns the parental rights over to us for the rest of our lives.

It's so exciting...I can't put everything into words. They brought birthmothers out for a panel discussion to explain to us why they turned to Gladney, what they are looking for in an adoptive family, and who they turn to for strength getting through this. One of them was pregnant now and already chose her family for placement and the other just had her baby 6 weeks ago. These are powerful women who have choices and because of them, we are going to be parents. Sean was so great, he stood up and introduced himself to them and commended them publicly for being so strong. It was very emotional. I think he was trying to see if one of them wanted to give us their baby then and there and we could call it a day and go home.
Then they brought out a very new adoptive family who were just placed with their newborn son on Tuesday. I have chills just writing about it. The baby, Jack, was with them and he was gorgeous! This family was just regular like us and it made it that much more real. They were still in Texas for Interstate and hoping to get the clearance call yesterday afternoon. They said Jack was born last Saturday and they flew down on Monday and checked into the hotel. On Tuesday, they did the placement and signed all the paperwork and brought the baby to the hotel that night. They said the front desk clerks were looking at them funny like, "You checked in and didn't have a baby nor looked pregnant. Where did this baby come from?"

After all the panels, we took a tour of the campus. They brought us into the girls dorm. Picture the nicest college dorm you've ever seen with the smell of chocolate chip cookies. It had a fireplace in the common area, a piano, hardwood floors, a common kitchen and dining room table. It was pretty amazing. They have a work out room for the girls, an inground pool, and a large patio with grill for BBQs, etc.

The place is a perfect fit for us. If any of you were there, you'd say the same thing. They told us to prepare for a placement in 2 years from now because then we won't be discouraged waiting and waiting. They did say it's very rare when it only takes 3 months for placement (those are usually drop-in's). The average is between 9 and 12 months. So in reality, if we get all our paperwork in within the next 2-3 months, we could potentially have a baby by next Christmas. What a Christmas present!
On the flight home last night, my mind was racing about all the things we need to do to get this going. I need to find someone to do our home study (some of the adoptive parents already did this so they are ahead of me - rats!) And, we have to get our fingerprints done with the police. And I can't help thinking about this profile and all the pictures to include. We need to make 10 identical profiles basically selling ourselves. I was thinking of pictures to include...we do have a lot. The best picture I can think of is of Sean and our friends daughter, Amelia, at her 3rd birthday party where she is all dressed up in her princess dress and veil and she is pulling Sean's face in to hers to kiss her. This picture in itself might be our selling point. I need more of these!

The best thing I heard yesterday is that we have to remember that we are seeing all the negative sides of the birthmother but they are seeing all of our glorious sides. They too have glorious sides so we need to remember that.
We're so excited to get this started. I've started organizing our pictures and which one's we'll include, etc. And hopefully we can get our fingerprints done on Monday or Tuesday. And if anyone can think of a nice picture they have of us (without a drink in our hands) let me know!

Off we go to get this application started. But first we need to pick Lucy up from Grammy and Grampy's...we can't forget about our first daughter.

Love,
Des and Sean